Like it or not, parenting is a huge factor in shaping the character of many children. In recent years, parenting styles have evolved and in Africa where parenting used to be communal, woke parents have developed a radical style to parenting. Parent-children relationship has degenerated to friend-to-friend relationship without clear boundaries set. In the past, children were not allowed to sit with adults when serious conversations were happening but today, many mothers denigrate older men and women in front of their children. A viral video of an undergraduate of UNIZIK assaulting a lecturer further brought to the fore the danger of neglecting discipline of children at the right time.
Aside discipline or the lack of it, there are other indicators that parents sometimes unintentionally set up their children to fail:
- Overly Critical: Constant criticism can erode the confidence of children making them doubt their abilities and second-guess themselves whether at work or in their community.
- Unrealistic Expectations: Parents who set unrealistically high expectations can create undue pressure, leading to disappointment and frustration.
- Lack of Emotional Support: Parents who don’t provide emotional support or validation can leave you feeling unheard, unvalued, and uncertain.
- Overprotection: Overprotective parents can prevent their children from developing problem-solving skills, independence, and resilience.
- Comparing You to Others: Constantly comparing you to siblings, peers, or others can foster a sense of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
- Not Allowing Mistakes: Parents who don’t allow you to make mistakes or learn from failures can hinder your growth, experimentation, and innovation.
- Dismissing Your Feelings: Parents who dismiss or minimise your feelings can make you feel unheard, un validated, and uncertain.
- Not Encouraging Independence: Parents who don’t encourage independence can prevent you from developing self-reliance, decision-making skills, and autonomy.
- Fostering a Fixed Mindset: Parents who emphasize innate talent or ability rather than effort and learning can foster a fixed mindset, leading to a fear of failure and risk aversion.
- Not Practicing What They Preach: Parents who don’t model the behaviors and values they expect from their children can create confusion, undermine your trust, and make it harder for you to develop a strong sense of self.
Keep in mind that parents often act out of love and a desire to protect and support their children. If you identify with several of these signs, consider having an open and honest conversation with your parents to clear up misunderstandings and work together to build a more supportive relationship.
